love vs. hate

Is it possible to love someone with all of you and hate them at the same time? Like really, do you believe it is possible? Considering that darkness and light can not be in the same place, love being the light and hate being the dark, how is that possible? Maybe it's not hate, it just feels like hate because of a present circumstance. Maybe you just dislike that person A LOT. I have this feeling right now. I love you, but i feel as though i hate you too. This is not to intentionally hurt you, but this is just how i feel. You can not be mad at me for that....


I have so many mixed emotions that i don't know how to deal with so i write to release them a little. I can honestly say that i have never been in as much pain as i have been in lately. At this point, i dont feel like anyone or anything (besides losing a loved one) can hurt any more than what i have already been. I am trusting God that he will take away this hurt and replace it with joy as only he can. It's not easy but its a must. Personal time spent with God is much needed....

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I'm sorry if my blogs have been gloomy lately, but i write how i feel. I have my ups and  i have my downs. Overall, i know that no matter what happens that God is in control and he will take care of me. Yet in still, i have emotions and even though i look strong on the outside, I'm hurting on the inside and it shows every now and then. I feel like i lost a piece of my soul....

I'm learning how to deal with this kind of pain and give it God. It's not that easy being that i want to control everything. But this situation is not in my control and only God himself can help. When you feel like you have done all that you can do, you have no choice but to stand on his word and pray. Although i may cry, that does not mean that i am weak. That is how i release my feelings when i don't have the words to say. I would have never thought my life would turn in this direction but what God has for me is for me! I can feel a blessing coming from all of this, I'm just trying to be patient to receive it.

I am healed....

I always pray that the Lord will bless me with a heart like his. Becoming more like Jesus is not easy because you have to learn how to truly forgive no matter what hurt or pain that person has caused you. I felt like my heart was snatched out of my chest and I couldn't breathe. Prayer heals wounds along with the love of God. Because of God, I am able to be strong and to stand firm on his word. No matter what the out come of this situation may be, I am blessed beyond measure and there is a reason for my struggle. I'm looking forward to my future and the plans God has for me. I have the victory and thank God for it. BLESSINGS!!!!

Trey Songz - Heart Attack [Official Video]

The day i will never forget

What do you do when you feel like your world is crashing down? How do you handle hearing the worst news of your life? I asked God why me? What have i done to deserve this? Why do i always get the short end of the stick? I give my all and this is what i get in return....a slap in the face with no emotion. I promise something good has to happen soon because the devil is all on me! Right now all i can do is cry and pray God saves me so that i don't become a product of my trials, evil with no emotion. There are people cheering for for this to happen but you know what...cheer on. I am not broken, only stronger today than i was yesterday. Thank you Lord for strength. I was praying for it but didn't know this is why i would need it. Trouble doesn't last always........stay tuned.

Praise Him In Advance - Marvin Sapp

Perfection

I'm not perfect and i will not be perfect until the day I die and go to be with God. But everyday i take a step to become closer to perfect as I can get here on earth. When i say perfect i'm saying spiritually. Perfect in the spirit to me just means joy and happiness. That is the place i am trying to get to. The place where no matter what may happen, no one or nothing can steal my joy. It's definitely a process to get there but God warned me about what i had to go through in order to obtain this happiness that I long for.

I had a dream about 8 years ago that i was getting married and i was in a limo with my wedding party headed to wedding. On the way there we drove through a cemetery and i questioned where we were going. I suddenly noticed a gate about 50ft tall on the other side of the cemetery. Once we get to the gate, it opens and its a beautiful garden with hundreds of people sitting there waiting for me to arrive. It switches and im walking down the aisle only to meet up with my husband whose face i can not see. The moral of that dream was that something in me had to die before i could get to place of happiness i pray for everyday. That garden represented the place that i am trying to get to. My flesh is in the way and i can not obtain that peace until it dies. Satan and God can not dwell in the same place, but God will always win when it comes to me. God granted me that piece of joy 9 months ago but took it away because i didn't know how to maintain it. My flesh keopt getting in the way. Now im on a mission to get it back and all i can do is go to God and depend on him to transform me and make me over so that i can be a good steward over the gift of happiness that he will soon grant me. It may not make sense to some but everything is not meant for everyone to understand. Those who will get it, needed to hear it. I just pray that God gives me strength to endure trials that come my way in the process.....