Is it possible to love someone with all of you and hate them at the same time? Like really, do you believe it is possible? Considering that darkness and light can not be in the same place, love being the light and hate being the dark, how is that possible? Maybe it's not hate, it just feels like hate because of a present circumstance. Maybe you just dislike that person A LOT. I have this feeling right now. I love you, but i feel as though i hate you too. This is not to intentionally hurt you, but this is just how i feel. You can not be mad at me for that....
I have so many mixed emotions that i don't know how to deal with so i write to release them a little. I can honestly say that i have never been in as much pain as i have been in lately. At this point, i dont feel like anyone or anything (besides losing a loved one) can hurt any more than what i have already been. I am trusting God that he will take away this hurt and replace it with joy as only he can. It's not easy but its a must. Personal time spent with God is much needed....
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
blah
I'm sorry if my blogs have been gloomy lately, but i write how i feel. I have my ups and i have my downs. Overall, i know that no matter what happens that God is in control and he will take care of me. Yet in still, i have emotions and even though i look strong on the outside, I'm hurting on the inside and it shows every now and then. I feel like i lost a piece of my soul....
I'm learning how to deal with this kind of pain and give it God. It's not that easy being that i want to control everything. But this situation is not in my control and only God himself can help. When you feel like you have done all that you can do, you have no choice but to stand on his word and pray. Although i may cry, that does not mean that i am weak. That is how i release my feelings when i don't have the words to say. I would have never thought my life would turn in this direction but what God has for me is for me! I can feel a blessing coming from all of this, I'm just trying to be patient to receive it.
I'm learning how to deal with this kind of pain and give it God. It's not that easy being that i want to control everything. But this situation is not in my control and only God himself can help. When you feel like you have done all that you can do, you have no choice but to stand on his word and pray. Although i may cry, that does not mean that i am weak. That is how i release my feelings when i don't have the words to say. I would have never thought my life would turn in this direction but what God has for me is for me! I can feel a blessing coming from all of this, I'm just trying to be patient to receive it.
Monday, May 14, 2012
I am healed....
I always pray that the Lord will bless me with a heart like his. Becoming more like Jesus is not easy because you have to learn how to truly forgive no matter what hurt or pain that person has caused you. I felt like my heart was snatched out of my chest and I couldn't breathe. Prayer heals wounds along with the love of God. Because of God, I am able to be strong and to stand firm on his word. No matter what the out come of this situation may be, I am blessed beyond measure and there is a reason for my struggle. I'm looking forward to my future and the plans God has for me. I have the victory and thank God for it. BLESSINGS!!!!
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
The day i will never forget
What do you do when you feel like your world is crashing down? How do you handle hearing the worst news of your life? I asked God why me? What have i done to deserve this? Why do i always get the short end of the stick? I give my all and this is what i get in return....a slap in the face with no emotion. I promise something good has to happen soon because the devil is all on me! Right now all i can do is cry and pray God saves me so that i don't become a product of my trials, evil with no emotion. There are people cheering for for this to happen but you know what...cheer on. I am not broken, only stronger today than i was yesterday. Thank you Lord for strength. I was praying for it but didn't know this is why i would need it. Trouble doesn't last always........stay tuned.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Perfection
I'm not perfect and i will not be perfect until the day I die and go to be with God. But everyday i take a step to become closer to perfect as I can get here on earth. When i say perfect i'm saying spiritually. Perfect in the spirit to me just means joy and happiness. That is the place i am trying to get to. The place where no matter what may happen, no one or nothing can steal my joy. It's definitely a process to get there but God warned me about what i had to go through in order to obtain this happiness that I long for.
I had a dream about 8 years ago that i was getting married and i was in a limo with my wedding party headed to wedding. On the way there we drove through a cemetery and i questioned where we were going. I suddenly noticed a gate about 50ft tall on the other side of the cemetery. Once we get to the gate, it opens and its a beautiful garden with hundreds of people sitting there waiting for me to arrive. It switches and im walking down the aisle only to meet up with my husband whose face i can not see. The moral of that dream was that something in me had to die before i could get to place of happiness i pray for everyday. That garden represented the place that i am trying to get to. My flesh is in the way and i can not obtain that peace until it dies. Satan and God can not dwell in the same place, but God will always win when it comes to me. God granted me that piece of joy 9 months ago but took it away because i didn't know how to maintain it. My flesh keopt getting in the way. Now im on a mission to get it back and all i can do is go to God and depend on him to transform me and make me over so that i can be a good steward over the gift of happiness that he will soon grant me. It may not make sense to some but everything is not meant for everyone to understand. Those who will get it, needed to hear it. I just pray that God gives me strength to endure trials that come my way in the process.....
I had a dream about 8 years ago that i was getting married and i was in a limo with my wedding party headed to wedding. On the way there we drove through a cemetery and i questioned where we were going. I suddenly noticed a gate about 50ft tall on the other side of the cemetery. Once we get to the gate, it opens and its a beautiful garden with hundreds of people sitting there waiting for me to arrive. It switches and im walking down the aisle only to meet up with my husband whose face i can not see. The moral of that dream was that something in me had to die before i could get to place of happiness i pray for everyday. That garden represented the place that i am trying to get to. My flesh is in the way and i can not obtain that peace until it dies. Satan and God can not dwell in the same place, but God will always win when it comes to me. God granted me that piece of joy 9 months ago but took it away because i didn't know how to maintain it. My flesh keopt getting in the way. Now im on a mission to get it back and all i can do is go to God and depend on him to transform me and make me over so that i can be a good steward over the gift of happiness that he will soon grant me. It may not make sense to some but everything is not meant for everyone to understand. Those who will get it, needed to hear it. I just pray that God gives me strength to endure trials that come my way in the process.....
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Romans
A good friend once said "If God showed us what the outcome would be of our trials, we would then thank him and be glad during the trials." This being so very true because we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). But, that's just not how life goes. We do not know what the outcome will be exactly and we become frantic, saddened and consumed with the possibilities......or maybe that's just me. Reading the above scripture should ensure us that everything will work out according to God's will over your life. If you trust God, then there should be no worrying. In the end, remember that God knew you before you knew yourself. He predestined your steps before you even took them. He knows what is best!!!!! No matter the outcome, the trial was a blessing in itself. Wisdom and knowledge will be gained and hopefully happiness and joy as well. But never stop keeping your faith! Speak positive things into your life and you will begin to see positive outcomes!
Lord, you know me better than i know myself. Words can not express my feelings and emotions but yet you know. Please give me strength and heal my wounds so that I can truly experience your love and joy. In Jesus name, Amen.
Lord, you know me better than i know myself. Words can not express my feelings and emotions but yet you know. Please give me strength and heal my wounds so that I can truly experience your love and joy. In Jesus name, Amen.
Monday, April 23, 2012
4/23/12
Lately I have been asking God to help me deal with pain and heartache. I felt myself being taken over by it and not being able to breathe almost. I felt like I was being robbed for my joy and didn't know how I was going to get it back. I didn't want my heart to become hardened and my emotions become none. I just wanted to be the happy, loving and kind hearted person that I am. I just wanted to be HAPPY. I also just wanted everyone around me to be happy, which in return, my happiness had to come last. But just when you thought you succeeded in making those happy around you and finally you would get your happiness, you get slapped in the face....everything that you are doing just isn't good enough. So what do you do when you don't feel like you are good enough? Seek God! YOU ARE good enough!!! After the tears and the pouring of my heart out to God, I was reminded that I am a child of God. Created in his image and given the power to overcome any situation by his word. Satan comes to kill, steal and destroy. He wants us to be unhappy and depressed. I am not going to give him what he wants and give him a chance to rejoice on my behalf. Instead, I'm going to stomp on his head with my fervent prayers and worship to God for giving me another testimony!!! God's love is unconditional and will last forever. I know that I can always count on him to step in and comfort me when times are rough and guide me through whatever it is that may be going on. He won't judge me and look at me for all the things that I am not but instead he will see all that I AM. Ohhhh but not man. Man will judge you and tell you what you are doing wrong, what you are not and will focus on the negative. Thank God he is not like us, rather we are like him.
Psalm 118:8
"It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in humans."
Psalm 147:3
"He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds."
Joshua 1:9
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Proverbs 4:23
"Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it."
Matthew 19:26
"Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Prayer is essential. Talk to God and he will heal whatever it is that may be broken. I'm in the process of healing myself....
Psalm 118:8
"It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in humans."
Psalm 147:3
"He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds."
Joshua 1:9
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Proverbs 4:23
"Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it."
Matthew 19:26
"Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Prayer is essential. Talk to God and he will heal whatever it is that may be broken. I'm in the process of healing myself....
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Read...
"We live in a world gone wrong, one that was created perfect but now suffers the ravages of sin: death, violated relationships, children born with disabilities and deformities, disease, man's inhumanity to man,moral failures, tragedies of major proportions, chaos. It is, indeed, a broken world. But it is one thing to shake our heads at the mess the world is in; it is quite another to confront the reality of it in our own lives. One layer away, it is sad, but when it hits us it is ominous...
When we stand in the middle of a life storm, it seems as if the storm has become our way of life. We cannot see a way out. We are unable to chart a course back to smoother waters. We feel defeated and broken. Will that brokenness produce a cynicism that will keep us forever in the mire of "if only" thinking? Or will we yield up that brokenness to the resources of One who calms the winds and waves, heals the brokenhearted and forgives the most grievous of sins?"
-Verdell Davis
When we stand in the middle of a life storm, it seems as if the storm has become our way of life. We cannot see a way out. We are unable to chart a course back to smoother waters. We feel defeated and broken. Will that brokenness produce a cynicism that will keep us forever in the mire of "if only" thinking? Or will we yield up that brokenness to the resources of One who calms the winds and waves, heals the brokenhearted and forgives the most grievous of sins?"
-Verdell Davis
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Today
Today did not start off so great but I refuse to let it continue that way or let someone else who may not be having a good day step in and TRY to ruin mine. I understand that it may not be them necessarily, but whatever they may be going through and I was just there to have to take the brunt of it. Not saying that is cool to do but some may not know any other way. With that said, I am just going to share a part of my reading that helps me get over that bump...
Isaiah 43:2
" When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze."
James 1:2-4
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,
because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
God is always with us. Protecting us from harm and evil doings of those who do not have our best interest at heart. I am on a journey to become more like Christ and in doing so, I must remember that trials don't have to be huge situations but its the daily events that challenge our personal beliefs and values. If I am going to be a representative of Christ I need to have more of him (spirit) and less of me (flesh). I want my perseverance through these trials to be complete so that I will not be lacking anything. It's not always easy but it is always worth it.
Isaiah 43:2
" When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze."
James 1:2-4
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,
because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
God is always with us. Protecting us from harm and evil doings of those who do not have our best interest at heart. I am on a journey to become more like Christ and in doing so, I must remember that trials don't have to be huge situations but its the daily events that challenge our personal beliefs and values. If I am going to be a representative of Christ I need to have more of him (spirit) and less of me (flesh). I want my perseverance through these trials to be complete so that I will not be lacking anything. It's not always easy but it is always worth it.
Monday, April 9, 2012
The Golden Rule
Quick post......
"do unto others as you would have them do unto you"...This saying is what we call the "Golden Rule".
Treat others how you would like to be treated. I know its hard to do that at times but try to be mindful of this when you react to a situation. If you wouldn't like it, I suggest you not do it to others. Sooner or later it will catch up with you....
Just a thought....possibly a feeling
"do unto others as you would have them do unto you"...This saying is what we call the "Golden Rule".
Treat others how you would like to be treated. I know its hard to do that at times but try to be mindful of this when you react to a situation. If you wouldn't like it, I suggest you not do it to others. Sooner or later it will catch up with you....
Just a thought....possibly a feeling
Friday, April 6, 2012
Good Friday
Well it's Friday! Good Friday at that! It's such a beautiful day outside with the wind blowing and the sun shining...too bad I have to work =(.
Today is the day that we remember the Resurrection of Jesus. I'm taking this day to commemorate the suffering of Jesus and to thank him for giving his life for mine. In prayer and supplication, I plan to get even closer to the most important man in my life....
What I'm looking forward to is the food that comes along with Easter...don't judge me. You can call me a fat girl a small girl's body.
In case i don't get a chance to say it before the day comes, Happy Easter!
Today is the day that we remember the Resurrection of Jesus. I'm taking this day to commemorate the suffering of Jesus and to thank him for giving his life for mine. In prayer and supplication, I plan to get even closer to the most important man in my life....
What I'm looking forward to is the food that comes along with Easter...don't judge me. You can call me a fat girl a small girl's body.
In case i don't get a chance to say it before the day comes, Happy Easter!
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Idol Mind
I was just sitting at my desk and before I knew it my mind started to wonder into past discussions that I have had with others and I began to break things down. I feel myself getting upset by some things that were said and really, I shouldn't be. Some things may have been hurtful but if that is how that person felt at the time, I can't be angry. When you have an idle mind, it leaves room for satan to attack at that very moment. Feelings and thoughts that were created to confuse how you may have felt about a situation. This leaves room also for gossip which may arise from those feelings. Hearing or possibly seeing what you may think is something negative leads to possible gossip. When in doubt always go to the source, this will always give you the answer you are searching for. For those of you who may not know the exact definition of idle, here you go...
Idle-not working or active; unemployed; doing nothing
Below are a few scriptures that support my thoughts at the moment....
Paul stated, "And besides they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not' (1 Timothy 5:13)
"Now the purpose of the commandment is love from a pure heart, from a good conscience, and from sincere faith, from which some, having strayed, have turned aside to idle talk, desiring to be teachers of the law, understanding neither what they say nor the things which they affirm" (1 Timothy 1:5-7)
"But shun profane and idle babblings, for they will increase to more ungodliness" (2 Timothy 2:16)
This is a reminder to myself as well as others to stay with your mind on Jesus and to not let my flesh over rule whta God is doing in the spirit.
Idle-not working or active; unemployed; doing nothing
Below are a few scriptures that support my thoughts at the moment....
Paul stated, "And besides they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not' (1 Timothy 5:13)
"Now the purpose of the commandment is love from a pure heart, from a good conscience, and from sincere faith, from which some, having strayed, have turned aside to idle talk, desiring to be teachers of the law, understanding neither what they say nor the things which they affirm" (1 Timothy 1:5-7)
"But shun profane and idle babblings, for they will increase to more ungodliness" (2 Timothy 2:16)
This is a reminder to myself as well as others to stay with your mind on Jesus and to not let my flesh over rule whta God is doing in the spirit.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Focus on God
Just thought I would give you all a piece of my reading this morning. Hope you are blessed by this snippet. =)
Psalm 111:2-4
Great are the works of the LORD; they are pondered by all who delight in them.
Glorious and majestic are his deeds, and his righteousness endures forever.
He has caused his wonders to be remembered; the LORD is gracious and compassionate.
2 Corinthians 5:6-7
Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. 7 For we live by faith, not by sight.
"Prayer is not merely going to God with a shopping list of things we want Him to do for us, but rather it is being in a relationship with him, listening to him and sharing our hearts with him. He is the God that provides and he is in control. He knows everything that is happening and is not caught off guard. His love is perfect. Consider who he is instead of focusing on yourself or another person. With this you are better able to pray with faith." (Susan Alexander Yates)
Psalm 111:2-4
Great are the works of the LORD; they are pondered by all who delight in them.
Glorious and majestic are his deeds, and his righteousness endures forever.
He has caused his wonders to be remembered; the LORD is gracious and compassionate.
2 Corinthians 5:6-7
Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. 7 For we live by faith, not by sight.
"Prayer is not merely going to God with a shopping list of things we want Him to do for us, but rather it is being in a relationship with him, listening to him and sharing our hearts with him. He is the God that provides and he is in control. He knows everything that is happening and is not caught off guard. His love is perfect. Consider who he is instead of focusing on yourself or another person. With this you are better able to pray with faith." (Susan Alexander Yates)
Monday, March 26, 2012
Just when you thought it was over
Just when you thought it was over and you escaped the pain,
Another obstacle surfaces and boggles your brain.
Get on your knees and ask for guidance through this test,
"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you the rest" (Matt 11:28)
says the Lord.
Trust him with your heart and soul,
For the holy spirit exists to console.
"And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear...." (1 Cor. 10:13)
Just hold on and let HIM wipe your tears.
Remember that the word of God is your strength,
No matter the depth or the length...
"Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist
and the breastplate of rightoeusness in place." (Eph. 6:14)
"take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God," so his will can be done. (Eph. 6:17)
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood,
but against evil spirits that walk this world.
Continue to pray and have faith,
trusting God to keep you in his mercy and grace.
Know that whatever you are going through,
It's just a future testimony for me and you.
Each day has troubles of it's own,
but eternal happiness in heaven is our home.
So just when you thought it was over and escaped the pain,
Remember the sun always comes out after the rain.
"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens" (Psalm 68:19)
Who will always be here to rescue you from your distress and your hurting.
It was already over before it began,
Look through your spiritual eyes and God will show you his plan.
So thank God for being his child!!!
Loving us to the point where we should always have a smile....
Don't let problems of this world get you down, but try to keep your mind on heavenly affairs so that you may resist any temptation that the devil may swing your way.
Psalm 34:8Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
Another obstacle surfaces and boggles your brain.
Get on your knees and ask for guidance through this test,
"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you the rest" (Matt 11:28)
says the Lord.
Trust him with your heart and soul,
For the holy spirit exists to console.
"And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear...." (1 Cor. 10:13)
Just hold on and let HIM wipe your tears.
Remember that the word of God is your strength,
No matter the depth or the length...
"Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist
and the breastplate of rightoeusness in place." (Eph. 6:14)
"take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.
Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God," so his will can be done. (Eph. 6:17)
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood,
but against evil spirits that walk this world.
Continue to pray and have faith,
trusting God to keep you in his mercy and grace.
Know that whatever you are going through,
It's just a future testimony for me and you.
Each day has troubles of it's own,
but eternal happiness in heaven is our home.
So just when you thought it was over and escaped the pain,
Remember the sun always comes out after the rain.
"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens" (Psalm 68:19)
Who will always be here to rescue you from your distress and your hurting.
It was already over before it began,
Look through your spiritual eyes and God will show you his plan.
So thank God for being his child!!!
Loving us to the point where we should always have a smile....
Psalm 34:8Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
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